Very Few People in the world know me.. like... Really know me! That's because I intentionally Try to Keep People at a distance so they don't see Not only the things I have experienced but How I feel About myself. Similar to Anyone I have been through Tragic losses and hard times but I always thought that was my reason for being the way I am and as Distant as I am to People. Especially RELATIONSHIPS!! It wasn't Until my Recent Relationship that I noticed my Biggest insecurities because for some reason They always showed when he was around. I Beam Confidence to People who are unaware of ME in my personal life. But, Once People Get Close I become insecure and inside I feel like crawling into a hole because I feel like I am not good Enough... FOR ANYONE...!!! I feel like: ** as a Daughter I always fell short of what was expected of me. I was Always a Failure to the Approvals I wanted MOST! I was Never Smart Enough, Talented Enough, and lets face it in a Relationship I am A MESS! ** As a Mother I feel like I should Be More Loving, More Productive and more knowledgeable. I feel like there is so many things my kids are missing out on because sometimes I feel so down about myself that I don't have that one more ounce of energy to just PLAY. ** As a friend when i get so focused on something, a project, a job, or a relationship I tend to forget about my friends and that they are still a MAJOR part of my life. ***And as a girlfriend? .... Lets just say Someone willing to put up with my ups/downs good and bad Must Really be some sort of Saint because Im sure I put them through the ringer with my insecurities that they will leave like everyone else. that they will leave me for someone else. or that they will realize that im nothing special and Rather be single than bear being with someone like me. That's just things that are in my head daily.. That is not even mentioning The weight i have been adding on with stress. (thats what Ill call it) MY GOAL: ---- These Next Few Months I WILL focus on the POSITIVE things. I will stop worrying about things i have no control over and I will motivate myself to seek the Reasons I am a Great Person and why People Need me in their lives. I will Loose the 50 lbs I have gained over this last year and return to my NORMAL self Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually!